What can a girl say…"girl” is being kind to myself…none the less, the first week of April is the anniversary of my formal conversion… Yet what I have grown to understand about my “conversion” is that conversion is an ongoing exploration. It is a way of life, a way of engaging fully and Jewishly (not a word…but it works for me!)
During the dead of January on a day when there was no Bat/Bar Mitzvah my husband and I went to Saturday services. We go most every week, either to the Friday evening or Saturday morning. Well there was hardly anyone there….We often have very full services, but the cold and no celebration left only the hardy few. I love it at those times, I feel most connected and contemplative. When we completed the Shama for the 2nd time I turned to my husband and said “I feel Jewish today.”
Feeling Jewish appears to be a big hurdle in convert circles. More or less I have been feeling more Jewish, but the larger challenge of late was the war. Being a pacifist at heart, (all that Buddhist Meditation truly wore off on me) The pain and suffering of all …and I mean all, weighed heavy on me. Our congregation was very active in rallies etc…but it didn’t feel right to me…I felt like a woman without a home….I felt Jewish and wanted Israel to be safe, but felt sad about the loss of life and hatred all around. My husband and I got into some heated conversations and it was difficult. But what I came away with is I did feel and do feel Jewish. What a gift…..
So now as the anniversary looms ahead of me I am considering what I should do to commemorate the event. Any ideas?