Dunking Rachael: UNINSPIRED!

Sunday, July 19, 2009

UNINSPIRED!

I AM TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY UNINSPIRED!

OK enough of that tantrum...but the sentiment remains... a little depressed, a little lazy, a little overwhelmed with my life.

I made an attempt to find some inspiration. I signed my husband and I up for a Jewish Spirituality retreat. if you have read my blog you may know that I have a long history in the Buddhist/Zen tradition. I still sit meditation but was yearning for a way to incorporate it more into my Jewish faith. When I saw the below information from The Jewish Spirituality Institute I jumped on it.

http://www.ijs-online.org/

"For Lay People
Three times a year IJS offers 4-day Shabbat retreats consisting of contemplative prayer, mindfulness meditation, Hassidic text study, yoga, lively discussion and Shabbat community. IJS has developed a 2-year curriculum - Vetaher Libeynu - an exploration of the adult Jewish spiritual experience. Alumni of our professional programs teach the curriculum in their communities"

We went. The people were nice, the location lovely, the parve/vegetarian food wonderful!....but overall not inspirational for me. I was disappointed...it truly was a very well thought out program, but for me it felt like a "light" version of what I have done in my own spirituality practice.....

I did learn something very interesting about myself.....I like tradition. I enjoyed the Torah study, and other group study activities....the meditation/silence/yoga stuff...well it was fine but I could more than likely teach them....I know that sounds conceited but I spent 20 years in a very dynamic Buddhist practice....retreats, weekly sits...etc. But what, threw it off for me, and my husband was Saturday morning. I missed the ritual, the full 3 to 4 hour service, Hebrew etc.
They ran a service that was more in the Reconstructionist vein.......it left me feeling like I only ate meringue cookies for dinner when what I wanted was a full holiday meal!

I can't stress enough that the folks who ran the program were lovely, committed and spiritual people. They did everything to make the weekend a beautiful experience.

It was me.......

what next........

Chabad?

2 comments:

Anonymous said...: Agh - how disappointing that the retreat didn't meet your needs.

I don't suppose it would help if I wrote that we all have these periods of feeling lees than thrilled with life?

I hope things turn around for you soon.

rachel; July 21, 2009 at 9:09 AM
Karen Zampa Katz said...: thanks...it does help to hear supportive words....

thank you; July 21, 2009 at 11:47 PM

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Beit Din test Question #22 "If you were to join the Jewish people......."

22) If you were to join the Jewish people, what considerations would guide you to that decision? How did your course help you to recognize some meaningful ideas to Judaism? Are there some things you have learned in the course that you find difficult to accept into your life?

I have been a thinker and a seeker for most of my life. I have explored many faiths, been involved in and have a keen interest in philosophy and psychology. I was raised in an Irish/Italian Catholic home. I lived as a Buddhist/Unitarian Universalist for most of my adult life and previously was married for 20 years to a Jewish man who did not practice his faith of origin. At the birth of my child, now 19, I sought to learn as much as I could about Judaism in order to expose this child to the faith of part of her ancestors. So I come to this new point in my life with all my experiences, knowledge and aspirations.

But the question remains how did I come to consider conversion? It is though love that the door of conversion was opened. I fell in love with a Jewish man who participates in his religion, yet he did not require me to convert, pressure me, or in any way attempt to persuade or force me. This exploration of faith was of my choosing, my volition, nurtured by love.

Clearly I am not dogmatically tied to my faith of origin, seeing that the religious expressions which dominated my adult life have been mostly non-theistic. The major change/challenge for me is in the consideration/acceptance of a theistic understanding of existence. Through explorations with my sponsoring Rabbi, reading, (lots of reading!) and the Hillel class I have come to an understanding of the divine, a place of relationship with a theistic point of view that resonates within me.

To help to articulate this I refer to the work of existentialist thinker and Jewish educator Franz Rosenzweig.

“The function of religion, according to Rosenzweig, is not to erect theological systems or establish universal truths, but to lead to experience of God, starting from one's own personal existence. He "commends 'the Pharisees of the Talmud and the saints of the Church' for knowing that 'man's understanding extends only so far as his doing.' Religious observance is, in effect, the doing of one's religious convictions; the two cannot be separated."
“(Time Magizine Monday, Jan. 01, 1951 , http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,814185,00.html)

For Rosenzweig the written word was to be less important than the living exchange, for it is in the doing that the relationship to God will manifest. This idea blends well with my own mindfulness practices. These practices express that it is in the awareness of the moment, the only moment we truly have, where peace and divinity can be experienced.
Through my answers on this exam, my participation in the class and my meetings with my sponsoring Rabbi, I believe I clearly present that I am coming to know, and hopefully I am beginning to understand the meaningful ideas in relationship to Judaism. Clearly there is so much to learn, and experience.

I am most taken by the direct experience of the divine associated with taking on the laws and practices of this ancient faith. I have aspirations to practice in this tradition, but once again they can be best articulated through Rosenzweig:
“Rosenzweig’s approach was subjective also in connection with the mitzvot, Jewish observances. He did think that he would one day become a fully observant Jew, but believed in the gradual approach in which the observances slowly made their impact by “ringing a bell” for him. Typical of this approach is Rosenzweig’s answer to someone who asked him whether he wore tefillin [phylacteries]: “Not yet,” he replied.”
(My Jewish Learning.com http://www.myjewishlearning.com/history_community/Modern/IntellectualTO/Rosenzweig.htm)

Like the bell of mindfulness practice, the mitzvot, the mindfulness practice of Judaism, will take time to incorporated and to resonate within. Like the ringing of the mindfulness bell, or the sounding of the Shofar, the act of doing Judaic practices pierces the daily, the mundane and hopefully will help to awaken me to an even richer and more connective relationship with the Jewish people and the divine.