Dunking Rachael: Sincere-Supplication Part II

Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Sincere-Supplication Part II

malaise is a terrible thing, this feeling of debility or lack of energy is partly due to some physical issues/pain... a possible rotator cuff tear in my right shoulder, I guess my pitching career is over....but more due to a feeling of disconnect....

I am finding my way in my Judaism... how I embody it, how I grow and learn and explore it. There has been a lot of blogging out there regarding the recent events in New Jersey. I stand by what I wrote, that this is a bad thing. I have read a lot of persons try to make sense of it, or to formulate a response to it....

The only thing I have come up with is sincere supplication. Prayer and action done with deep intent. I try to do this... generally this means that my attention to things from a traditionally halacha way may not be complete...but what I do is with my full self, body and spirit. When I recite the Shama in the morning I do it after sitting in silent meditation....I try to feel every word.....and most days this is a very powerful experience. When I pray I try to do it this way...

Perhaps those who have gotten caught in New Jersey have forgotten....I think there are many who have forgotten the true spirit behind the actions and prayers....There are those regular law abiding folks who attend services with me...they are nice enough...but they talk through most of the service...not a crime...but I go to connect to the collective and to the divine...I may still only get through one page of the Amidah by the time the entire room is done... but I have done that one page with concentrated attention and my entire spirit!....(ok note to self find a Hebrew class for the fall!)

With Tisha B'Av almost here, I have decided to attempt to fast with intention, to pray like it is my last prayer...to fully immerse myself in this day....Malaise you are on notice!

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: I hope today works out for you. I have to say, I would find the talking insanely distracting, and part of me finds it quite rude. I know this is me looking at the way of things through my own personal experiences and opinions and it is acceptable in many congregations/different branches of the faith than my own.

So be it. I hope you have a meaningful fast.

rachel; July 30, 2009 at 6:47 AM

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Beit Din test Question #22 "If you were to join the Jewish people......."

22) If you were to join the Jewish people, what considerations would guide you to that decision? How did your course help you to recognize some meaningful ideas to Judaism? Are there some things you have learned in the course that you find difficult to accept into your life?

I have been a thinker and a seeker for most of my life. I have explored many faiths, been involved in and have a keen interest in philosophy and psychology. I was raised in an Irish/Italian Catholic home. I lived as a Buddhist/Unitarian Universalist for most of my adult life and previously was married for 20 years to a Jewish man who did not practice his faith of origin. At the birth of my child, now 19, I sought to learn as much as I could about Judaism in order to expose this child to the faith of part of her ancestors. So I come to this new point in my life with all my experiences, knowledge and aspirations.

But the question remains how did I come to consider conversion? It is though love that the door of conversion was opened. I fell in love with a Jewish man who participates in his religion, yet he did not require me to convert, pressure me, or in any way attempt to persuade or force me. This exploration of faith was of my choosing, my volition, nurtured by love.

Clearly I am not dogmatically tied to my faith of origin, seeing that the religious expressions which dominated my adult life have been mostly non-theistic. The major change/challenge for me is in the consideration/acceptance of a theistic understanding of existence. Through explorations with my sponsoring Rabbi, reading, (lots of reading!) and the Hillel class I have come to an understanding of the divine, a place of relationship with a theistic point of view that resonates within me.

To help to articulate this I refer to the work of existentialist thinker and Jewish educator Franz Rosenzweig.

“The function of religion, according to Rosenzweig, is not to erect theological systems or establish universal truths, but to lead to experience of God, starting from one's own personal existence. He "commends 'the Pharisees of the Talmud and the saints of the Church' for knowing that 'man's understanding extends only so far as his doing.' Religious observance is, in effect, the doing of one's religious convictions; the two cannot be separated."
“(Time Magizine Monday, Jan. 01, 1951 , http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,814185,00.html)

For Rosenzweig the written word was to be less important than the living exchange, for it is in the doing that the relationship to God will manifest. This idea blends well with my own mindfulness practices. These practices express that it is in the awareness of the moment, the only moment we truly have, where peace and divinity can be experienced.
Through my answers on this exam, my participation in the class and my meetings with my sponsoring Rabbi, I believe I clearly present that I am coming to know, and hopefully I am beginning to understand the meaningful ideas in relationship to Judaism. Clearly there is so much to learn, and experience.

I am most taken by the direct experience of the divine associated with taking on the laws and practices of this ancient faith. I have aspirations to practice in this tradition, but once again they can be best articulated through Rosenzweig:
“Rosenzweig’s approach was subjective also in connection with the mitzvot, Jewish observances. He did think that he would one day become a fully observant Jew, but believed in the gradual approach in which the observances slowly made their impact by “ringing a bell” for him. Typical of this approach is Rosenzweig’s answer to someone who asked him whether he wore tefillin [phylacteries]: “Not yet,” he replied.”
(My Jewish Learning.com http://www.myjewishlearning.com/history_community/Modern/IntellectualTO/Rosenzweig.htm)

Like the bell of mindfulness practice, the mitzvot, the mindfulness practice of Judaism, will take time to incorporated and to resonate within. Like the ringing of the mindfulness bell, or the sounding of the Shofar, the act of doing Judaic practices pierces the daily, the mundane and hopefully will help to awaken me to an even richer and more connective relationship with the Jewish people and the divine.