Three weeks ago I posted the below on two different list serves/blog forum sites which are for persons considering or who have converted to Judaism. I found the answers/responses to be very interesting. Some were quick and harsh, others were maternal and empathitic. All comments were helpful to me.
hello all,
it is that time of year again, and I could use some advice,help resources.I am in my second marriage (just got married in April and formally converted just shortly before the marriage) My only child, 20 year old daughter was raised in a religiously eclectic way. Unitarian Universalist with strong emphasis on both Jewish and Christian ritual. He father, my ex, is Jewish but is anti religion.My conversion has basically caused the cancellation of Christmas for my daughter. this has caused some tensions, last year my then soon to be husband and I got a tree.It was his first, he is a fairly observant conservative Jew. It is important to note that for most of my child's life I had strong Martha Stewart/Rachel Rae energies!...so the decoration thing was something I enjoyed and was a family event. My divorce was the beginning of a transformation of me, that has caused many emotional changes for all of us and my daughter sometimes has felt orphaned because I was not the same...not fair but just the way it is. She has had professional help, but now we are at the center of the change again. Christmas. she wants a tree, has begged for a tree. I feel bad for her, but if left to my own wants, I would not do a tree....I feel split. she has accepted so much, has been there and remained engaged....yet I feel I am betraying my new life if I get it, the tree...HELP
it is that time of year again, and I could use some advice,help resources.I am in my second marriage (just got married in April and formally converted just shortly before the marriage) My only child, 20 year old daughter was raised in a religiously eclectic way. Unitarian Universalist with strong emphasis on both Jewish and Christian ritual. He father, my ex, is Jewish but is anti religion.My conversion has basically caused the cancellation of Christmas for my daughter. this has caused some tensions, last year my then soon to be husband and I got a tree.It was his first, he is a fairly observant conservative Jew. It is important to note that for most of my child's life I had strong Martha Stewart/Rachel Rae energies!...so the decoration thing was something I enjoyed and was a family event. My divorce was the beginning of a transformation of me, that has caused many emotional changes for all of us and my daughter sometimes has felt orphaned because I was not the same...not fair but just the way it is. She has had professional help, but now we are at the center of the change again. Christmas. she wants a tree, has begged for a tree. I feel bad for her, but if left to my own wants, I would not do a tree....I feel split. she has accepted so much, has been there and remained engaged....yet I feel I am betraying my new life if I get it, the tree...HELP
so I came up with the compermise....Katie has a "tree"......
what do you think!
6 comments:
Or as some would call it a Chanukkah bush? I no longer celebrate Christmas as well but that hasn't cancelled Christmas for anyone but me. If she loves Christmas, she can start her new traditions minus mommy or she can come along on some of yours. I'm thinking turkey on the first night of Chanukkah sounds pretty fine.
My sister who is Wiccan now puts up a menorah next to her "tree."
Good luck to you!
Hi this is Angela Avery from Empowering Ruth. I remember your question. I'm glad you found a way to make things work for you and your family because that's all that matters. Happy Chanukah!
You did the right thing. You have an absolute obligation to be hospitable to your daughter and welcoming of her beliefs. She'll return the favor, I know.
diana
thnaks to all...it has been an interesting conversation with my daughter....she is supportive of me and I am supportive of her. As she continues to move into to her adult self I am sure we will find a way to continue to honor each other's choice without issue......
Wow, that's a bright "tree!" ;) I think you made the right decision in allowing her to observe as she wishes, even though it's within your home. I hope you all were able to pass enjoyable holidays with each other.
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