Dunking Rachael: It's Official!

Thursday, January 7, 2010

It's Official!

I am the worst student in my Hebrew class.

Last night I suffered through another class. I know that my difficulties are based on a number of factors including some learning disability stuff rearing its dysfunctional head! As a kid I was identified as having some LD (learning disabilities...dyslexia etc) issues. As I matured I learned to compensated and cope and now they rarely manifest...or at least not until I have decided to make another run at Hebrew.

Another fact about my self that I beleive is more than likely some what self defeating, I am competitive and always, despite the odds against me, was an "A" student. Thus the mantel of being the Hebrew class slacker is killing me!

The Cantor of the synagogue is teaching the class. He is young and talented and very smart and quick. there are about 10 people in it. We go though our book lesson by lesson and take turns "reading." It is all going fairly smoothly until it gets to me. I feel that old rush of nervousness, I get a little shaky and attempt to sound it out. The dalet look like Resh and never mind all those dam dots that are vowels! AY...EEE OOOOO.!!! It feels like my mouth isn't working. It tries to wrap itself around the sounds and I feel like such a looser!

To add to this mortal embarrassment, I missed a class because I though it was cancelled. I had crammed and tried to get my review perfect and then I come to class and realize we are 4 lessons ahead of where I though we were.

So now I am determined. I have come up with a plan to try to be the second worst student in the class. I have identified my target, a man of similar age, (that doesn't help either, my almost 49 year old brain just doesn't fire the same at 8:15 at night like it used to!) who often confuses the the long swigly letters too. (Dalet, Resh, Nun, Vav etc)

I am going to have to study like I did as a kid. I have started making a vocabulary list, with root words, and flash cards with the letters and vowels. This is WAR!...lol

Hebrew I will master you...do you hear me?....I'm talking to you Hebrew!

1 comment:

Luke Skyhopper said...: Dalet has a DENT in the back of its head. Resh is round.

nun has the nose, vav doesn't.

good luck; January 7, 2010 at 2:12 PM

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Beit Din test Question #22 "If you were to join the Jewish people......."

22) If you were to join the Jewish people, what considerations would guide you to that decision? How did your course help you to recognize some meaningful ideas to Judaism? Are there some things you have learned in the course that you find difficult to accept into your life?

I have been a thinker and a seeker for most of my life. I have explored many faiths, been involved in and have a keen interest in philosophy and psychology. I was raised in an Irish/Italian Catholic home. I lived as a Buddhist/Unitarian Universalist for most of my adult life and previously was married for 20 years to a Jewish man who did not practice his faith of origin. At the birth of my child, now 19, I sought to learn as much as I could about Judaism in order to expose this child to the faith of part of her ancestors. So I come to this new point in my life with all my experiences, knowledge and aspirations.

But the question remains how did I come to consider conversion? It is though love that the door of conversion was opened. I fell in love with a Jewish man who participates in his religion, yet he did not require me to convert, pressure me, or in any way attempt to persuade or force me. This exploration of faith was of my choosing, my volition, nurtured by love.

Clearly I am not dogmatically tied to my faith of origin, seeing that the religious expressions which dominated my adult life have been mostly non-theistic. The major change/challenge for me is in the consideration/acceptance of a theistic understanding of existence. Through explorations with my sponsoring Rabbi, reading, (lots of reading!) and the Hillel class I have come to an understanding of the divine, a place of relationship with a theistic point of view that resonates within me.

To help to articulate this I refer to the work of existentialist thinker and Jewish educator Franz Rosenzweig.

“The function of religion, according to Rosenzweig, is not to erect theological systems or establish universal truths, but to lead to experience of God, starting from one's own personal existence. He "commends 'the Pharisees of the Talmud and the saints of the Church' for knowing that 'man's understanding extends only so far as his doing.' Religious observance is, in effect, the doing of one's religious convictions; the two cannot be separated."
“(Time Magizine Monday, Jan. 01, 1951 , http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,814185,00.html)

For Rosenzweig the written word was to be less important than the living exchange, for it is in the doing that the relationship to God will manifest. This idea blends well with my own mindfulness practices. These practices express that it is in the awareness of the moment, the only moment we truly have, where peace and divinity can be experienced.
Through my answers on this exam, my participation in the class and my meetings with my sponsoring Rabbi, I believe I clearly present that I am coming to know, and hopefully I am beginning to understand the meaningful ideas in relationship to Judaism. Clearly there is so much to learn, and experience.

I am most taken by the direct experience of the divine associated with taking on the laws and practices of this ancient faith. I have aspirations to practice in this tradition, but once again they can be best articulated through Rosenzweig:
“Rosenzweig’s approach was subjective also in connection with the mitzvot, Jewish observances. He did think that he would one day become a fully observant Jew, but believed in the gradual approach in which the observances slowly made their impact by “ringing a bell” for him. Typical of this approach is Rosenzweig’s answer to someone who asked him whether he wore tefillin [phylacteries]: “Not yet,” he replied.”
(My Jewish Learning.com http://www.myjewishlearning.com/history_community/Modern/IntellectualTO/Rosenzweig.htm)

Like the bell of mindfulness practice, the mitzvot, the mindfulness practice of Judaism, will take time to incorporated and to resonate within. Like the ringing of the mindfulness bell, or the sounding of the Shofar, the act of doing Judaic practices pierces the daily, the mundane and hopefully will help to awaken me to an even richer and more connective relationship with the Jewish people and the divine.