Friday, November 18, 2011

why Write?

Inspiration comes from many avenues and it is clear I have not been  inspired in any way for many many months...yet something happened last night that switched the switch..lit the fire...well you get the point. What flashed like a neon sign in my head

 "only 20 something days left until my Bat Mitzvah." 

This event has been sucking my life force away moment by moment. If you read through this blog there will be many themes which emerge. One, perfectionism, is my curse. I have been slain by Hebrew and troup! As a person with admitted learning disabilities I have struggled all my life to put into context my abilities and  how I perceive myself as a thinking educated person. This slow motion march to mediocrity has been a drain on my self esteem (only to a point) and has pushed some of my least admirable behaviors.  I have struggled with the multi leveled interpersonal issues of the class.....very strong need to go further there...I have struggled with it all. Now please do not get the wrong idea, I am not sitting here ringing my hands in an anxiety fueled cold sweat. About two or so months ago I came to the conclusion I just had to finish what I started. Base line advice I give all parents in my therapy /social work practice...finish what you start! So I have let go of any expectations of being good...I am going for not embarrassing!...but last night's full class on the bima practice was beyond embarrassing! ...but is is almost done.......


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Dunking Rachael

Love, Faith and Life