Dunking Rachael: The World of Choices

Monday, October 12, 2009

The World of Choices

I often think about my more conservative orthodox neighbors...I think sometimes, especially the more traditional folks, are lucky...they have fewer choices...my life is full of choices...difficult choices...My husband and I are conservative...I tend to skew more traditional than some....but when we are sitting home on a Saturday with no visitors and no where to visit...boy oh boy that day gets long...then there is the food! I think if I lived in Jerusalem or even in a hard core area of the 5 towns (NY) I wouldn't feel so askew....
Not feeling like I fit in...
there is a street fair in town...in the past that would be a food bonanza...zeppoles, sausage and peppers, the smells remind me of my youth...but this choice of mine changed everything...I have tasted all the “forbidden” things...and to be blunt.. I used to love bacon....fired clams, mussels in white sauce....there is something that can feel isolating, separating about the food choice...that is why sometimes I fantasize that one of those more insular communities would be easier... when we were in Israel...the food thing was great!
But I live in the world...the world of choices..the world of shell fish and gefilte fish ....I made the choice to be a Jew...in the new life it is sometimes hard to be around the old life...not that I am tempted..it is just hard.....any choice, even a spiritual/positive one has a dimension of loss....change has implicit and explicit loss...and the fair.....is a living breathing mirror on how so much has changed.... and in this moment of reflection, what has been lost.....

(see http://dunkingrachael.blogspot.com/2009/06/choices.html for more laments on choice)

2 comments:

Yelena said...: Dear Rachael,
I just found your blog (I'm a Yiddish speaker so the BBC documentary let me to you) and saw this post. I am from the former USSR (no religion at all ever) and now mostly observant Orthodox-ish more or less and I totally know what you;re going through - being observant in a non-observant world is a tough thing, especially when there is shrimp everywhere.

We actually walk through the street fairs here in NYC if they happen to be on the way to the synagogue on Shabbes and look at things.we know we have no money and the fair will be gone by the time Shabbes is over, so we just look at things and people and smell the pork.

As for you sitting at home with no visitors and no one to visit... We don't go visit because we live far away from the synagogue, so we make a nice lunch, crack open a a bottle of wine and enjoy each othe's company. We have grown to appreciate Shabbes for an opportunity to connect to each other without the world interrupting and demanding our attention. And we take out books about all things Jewish and read them to each other on Shabbes (I know it's nerdy, but we're nerds). I don't know where you live, but Israel can also be an isolating place and 5 Towns too.

I hope this helps even a little bit,

Yelena; October 15, 2009 at 8:05 PM
Karen Zampa Katz said...: Dear Yelena,

Thank you for your kind and encouraging words...they are a help....I liked the idea of reading to one another, and no I don't think it is nerdy...but I may not be the best judge!...lol
once again, thanks!; October 16, 2009 at 12:28 PM

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Beit Din test Question #22 "If you were to join the Jewish people......."

22) If you were to join the Jewish people, what considerations would guide you to that decision? How did your course help you to recognize some meaningful ideas to Judaism? Are there some things you have learned in the course that you find difficult to accept into your life?

I have been a thinker and a seeker for most of my life. I have explored many faiths, been involved in and have a keen interest in philosophy and psychology. I was raised in an Irish/Italian Catholic home. I lived as a Buddhist/Unitarian Universalist for most of my adult life and previously was married for 20 years to a Jewish man who did not practice his faith of origin. At the birth of my child, now 19, I sought to learn as much as I could about Judaism in order to expose this child to the faith of part of her ancestors. So I come to this new point in my life with all my experiences, knowledge and aspirations.

But the question remains how did I come to consider conversion? It is though love that the door of conversion was opened. I fell in love with a Jewish man who participates in his religion, yet he did not require me to convert, pressure me, or in any way attempt to persuade or force me. This exploration of faith was of my choosing, my volition, nurtured by love.

Clearly I am not dogmatically tied to my faith of origin, seeing that the religious expressions which dominated my adult life have been mostly non-theistic. The major change/challenge for me is in the consideration/acceptance of a theistic understanding of existence. Through explorations with my sponsoring Rabbi, reading, (lots of reading!) and the Hillel class I have come to an understanding of the divine, a place of relationship with a theistic point of view that resonates within me.

To help to articulate this I refer to the work of existentialist thinker and Jewish educator Franz Rosenzweig.

“The function of religion, according to Rosenzweig, is not to erect theological systems or establish universal truths, but to lead to experience of God, starting from one's own personal existence. He "commends 'the Pharisees of the Talmud and the saints of the Church' for knowing that 'man's understanding extends only so far as his doing.' Religious observance is, in effect, the doing of one's religious convictions; the two cannot be separated."
“(Time Magizine Monday, Jan. 01, 1951 , http://www.time.com/time/magazine/article/0,9171,814185,00.html)

For Rosenzweig the written word was to be less important than the living exchange, for it is in the doing that the relationship to God will manifest. This idea blends well with my own mindfulness practices. These practices express that it is in the awareness of the moment, the only moment we truly have, where peace and divinity can be experienced.
Through my answers on this exam, my participation in the class and my meetings with my sponsoring Rabbi, I believe I clearly present that I am coming to know, and hopefully I am beginning to understand the meaningful ideas in relationship to Judaism. Clearly there is so much to learn, and experience.

I am most taken by the direct experience of the divine associated with taking on the laws and practices of this ancient faith. I have aspirations to practice in this tradition, but once again they can be best articulated through Rosenzweig:
“Rosenzweig’s approach was subjective also in connection with the mitzvot, Jewish observances. He did think that he would one day become a fully observant Jew, but believed in the gradual approach in which the observances slowly made their impact by “ringing a bell” for him. Typical of this approach is Rosenzweig’s answer to someone who asked him whether he wore tefillin [phylacteries]: “Not yet,” he replied.”
(My Jewish Learning.com http://www.myjewishlearning.com/history_community/Modern/IntellectualTO/Rosenzweig.htm)

Like the bell of mindfulness practice, the mitzvot, the mindfulness practice of Judaism, will take time to incorporated and to resonate within. Like the ringing of the mindfulness bell, or the sounding of the Shofar, the act of doing Judaic practices pierces the daily, the mundane and hopefully will help to awaken me to an even richer and more connective relationship with the Jewish people and the divine.