Brain Fog or My Dog Ate My Bat Mitzvah Lesson

It is no secret that this year I officially joined the ranks of “women of a certain age.” For those of you not old enough to be aware of this very special club, that means I turned 50 years old. This mile-stone has co-occurred with my need to wear glasses for both reading and distance, an increase in hot flashes and what my doctor calls “Brain Fog.” Brain Fog….sounds like something I need a special out fit for, perhaps even some matching rubber boots! My doctor keeps reassuring me that I’m “on track” and “normal.” Clearly, it can be reassuring to be on track when you are 5 years old, but to be this kind of normal at 50, well I just call that ….undesirable!

Another co-occurrence, although a self inflicted co-occurrence, is my studying for my adult Bat Mitzvah. It’s odd I don’t really remember volunteering to do it…must be the fog…but there I am every week in the class from hell. Wait, I’m almost sure Jews don’t believe in hell…..The Rabbi appears extremely confident that myself, along with the rest of our motley crew, will be “davenning with the best of them” and singing like angels by our December 10th date. Just makes you want to break out in a chorus of “Girls, Girls, Girls,” except I believe the median age of this group is probably 70. Now try to erase that picture from your mind! ( thinly veiled reference to hair metal band Motley Crue’s big 80’s hit and pole dancing video vixin  filled video)

The above mentioned “occurrences” as my gynecologist likes to call them, combined with my life long issues with learning disabilities…dyslexia et al….make this a herculean task ; that is learning both the Hebrew text and trope (tune). I don’t think that so far it is going too well….I will keep y’all posted!

They Like Me, They Really Like Me!

I was published today on the hilarious and poignant  Pork Memoirs blog.

http://porkmemoirs.com/memoirs/32

"Pork Memoirs is an ongoing story project about pork and identity, and how our choices surrounding the pig often reveal our cultural backgrounds and worldviews.

While Pork may seem like just a common part of a hearty breakfast or a perennial darling of Haute cuisine, at its core the pig represents a paradox: after all, pork is a staple protein for a majority of the world yet taboo for the rest; it is a meat explicitly forbidden for Jews, Muslims and others while it is celebrated by fetishists and gastronomes."

Baruch Dayan HaEmet

the national news and the local news continue to vibrate with the gruesome details of the death of the boy from Brooklyn. I have nothing to add except to say I turn it off. I urge you to turn it off.

Kosher Cochon Dreams

I dunked three years ago. In some ways it feels like a lifetime away, but yet it is only a mere thirty six months give or take a few.  For those not in the know, in order to convert to Judaism, the ritual includes submersion in a very specific ritual bath called a  mikvah. Upon exit from this water, presto-change-o, you are a Jew! This concise explanation clearly leaves out much. The mental, spiritual and emotional experience which leads one to so drastically change religion are not brief or easy.  

Did I mention that at the time of my conversion I was a Buddhist Unitarian Universalist?

I have embraced this new life and the many choices that come with it. Some people would call these choices rules or laws. I prefer the word choice because I have chosen this path with an open mind and heart. This includes keeping Kosher. Kosher is a complex system of food regulations/choices and yes religious laws that the Jewish people have been following for thousands of years.

 Having been Buddhist for approximately 20 years, I have spent a good portion of my adult life flirting with various forms of food restrictions, vegetarianism. Clearly, I am accustomed to not being in step with the mainstream regarding gastronomy.  I have been, in my life, at times, the queen of food issues. So kosher shouldn’t be such a big change.... well, maybe not!

 I miss bacon. I miss pancetta, Italian bacon. Did I mention I have a strong Italian family heritage?  I miss cooking with it, the smoky flavor of it and generally the entire gestalt of it. I remember being at a diner with a friend during my strictest vegetarian days. This friend was complaining vigorously about the smell of the animal flesh, bacon, and even then, I loved that aroma! It was my vegetarian cheating animal product, but now I have chosen to forsake the porcine delight…forever.

I truly do not want to eat it. Currently my convictions are stronger than my urges. Yet I can't help but wonder, does loving the smell and the taste, of bacon make me somehow a failed Jew? Has my first hand understanding of the power of that savory slice made it impossible for me to join the rest of the tribe? Being a convert has some extra pressures to it. In some ways I feel as if I am held to a stricter standard if only in my own mind. If I dream about eating that delectable traif, non kosher meat, is that a violation? If I get my pathetic fix with kosher, artificially bacon flavored food products, am I cheating? At last perhaps my only choice is to keep my cochen, pork dreams a secret and rely on another pre-dunk legacy, guilt.

Did I mention I was once Catholic?

New House!

Well I did it.....

Moved into the new house and the old house is going to closing tomorrow...

It has been a crazy 3 months but it looks like we made it...All that's left to do is unpack!

my new back yard

What a Mess!

Cleaning and getting ready for Passover is such a mess!....I have to do it in between working so today I left the house like a bomb went off. I think it is funny that all this cleaning and moving of things actually makes the the house more of a mess!

out with the "sold" contraband

In with the new!

Getten' Ready!

I have been a planning fool!...this year, so far, I  am ahead of schedule. I even got to the Passover store early enough to get all my dry goods before it feels like the last plane out of Saigon!...(For those of you too young to get that reference, it is related to the panic and horrific end days of the Vietnam war when the US was pulling out and anyone who had collaborated and worked with the Americans were trying to escape, as the Americans tried to get themselves out.) I have planned the meal, went through all the recipes and figured out what will be needed...(aka the  list)                         

 I was so early that there were these nifty Bedikas Chometz sets for 99 cents!....feather, candle, wooden spoon and large wide mouth bag to deposit those wayward crumbs!...how cool....

Additionally I have gotten a bit crafty too.... this is the first year with the exception of my husband's very secular brother there will be no family (except the hubby and I) at the home Seder...I managed to wrangle some Bu-Jews...some UU-Jews...and some non Jews to join us....I see it as a mitzvah to be hosting this second night Seder...

I decided that for this rag tag array of adults, I am going to try and make it fun...I found a Haggadah, The Santa Cruz Haggadah that is jewishly intact, the 15 required rituals are there, but it it full of fun and meditative extras...if there was a crowd for made for this Haggadah the ones coming to my abode second night are the ones!

I also saw online a novelty called "A Bag of Plagues"...well I decided this would be an interesting Passover favor to hand out to the guests...but I'm not about to fork over the crazy money being asked for such a trivial thing...no! So I went ahead and made my own! and yes ...after all is said and done, they are cheaper.

This was a fun activity...I usually order little plastic prizes for the little kids I see in my mental health therapy practice....behavior modification type work...so I just went to town on the Oriental Trading  web site http://www.orientaltrading.com/

I found little bead jars that worked wonderfully for the "blood" and "lice." When my husband came home and saw my hands all red...he paused and said, with a certain you look like you have gone mad eyes, "what ya doin' honey?..."Making Blood!" A little kosher for passover red  and blue dye, dish soap and potato starch...whala BLOOD! Lice was a bit harder, so I am claiming some Sephardic heritage and used broken pieces of wild rice...if I needed I guess I could have gone out side and found some tiny pebbles and that would have worked too.

So over the past three days I have packed up the dining room (yea hooray we are moving with in a month!) and un-packed all the dishes for the holiday and put them in their place! I'm a moving, packing and now Passover cleaning fool!..If I can catch my breath I will check in again...off to work...yes I still have to work.